29 July 2008

What's up

Because this is a weblog and not some book-of-the-week confessional, I instinctively try and keep things in perspective when I’m writing posts; even my short-lived tantrums should emphasize the trifling nature of what I do here.

This is precisely why it’s been so difficult to write about anything online lately. A very good friend of ours has had a family tragedy, and I’m afraid that by continuing to write here without mentioning it, I will somehow trivialise that happening, even if it’s not mine to write about. Suffice to say that we have not been ourselves since this weekend and are thinking a lot about our friend right now.

Our immediate situation is still massively affected by this lingering morning sickness, which is becoming increasingly difficult to just laugh off. I went to see the doctor last week about it, and after examining me, he said, “Yes, I believe this is pregnancy related.” Meaning: Welcome to your wall – please proceed to beat your head against it now.

Although I’ve been trying to branch out with my diet, the things I can eat without tipping the balance from malaise to outright nausea are so limited that I’m beginning to worry that my body will not have the nutrients it needs to recover from such a state.

Why a green leafy salad or two small oranges induces vomit whilst burger and chips stay down is an irony so profound I almost feel like someone is putting me on. If I believed in the concept of God, I’d be trying to work out how many times I put recyclable material in the bin or forgot to clean under my nails this month. It's gotten to the point where I'm scared to leave the house, and have been working from home these last few weeks, much to the chagrin of certain colleagues.

Our first visit with the midwives group was mercifully smooth, on the other hand. She put us at ease about the next few months, and let us listen to the heartbeat of our imminent child, an awe-inspiring pleasure I've experienced twice now. I have another appointment with them in early August and then Bruce and I are leaving this country - where boys and men are stabbed to death and women are assaulted at their own hairdresser’s - for a solid two weeks.

Bruce is concerned that I won’t want to come back with him, given how much I miss home and tend to closely relate internal and external states. But I know which side my bread is buttered on.

Thanks to all of you for your lovely notes, emails, suggestions and well-wishes. I know it’s not the first time on earth a woman has gone through a pregnancy, but it might as well be when you’re going through it for the first time yourself. Such is every life-altering experience I guess - at least if your imagination doesn't extend to housing avacado-sized people in your abdominal area.


pk said...

Go home. Collapse completely. Come back. Have a lovely baby. Then see.
Not trifling at all. Take care.Of everyone.Eat what your body wants.Never mind irony or God.

Anonymous said...

Avocado-sized! Hooray! Excuse me while I gush, briefly: hearing the heartbeat for the first time made me cry. Isn't that so amazing (and a little creepy at the same time)?

Are you going to be out this way at all? Give me a call if you can when you get to this country, will you? The U disabled my email account, and I don't remember your edress.

I love you, I miss you and I'm so sorry you're still having such terrible sickness. I'm always thinking of you and hoping it goes away.

Sarah said...

Oh my goodness, I have not been to your page in SOOO long and for some reason I came by today and I see that you are pregnant and I am over the top excited for you!!! Congrats Jackie, that is such great news. How far along are you? Are you still coming to Canada? Will we be able to see you? Send me an email please and catch me up with all this fantastic-ness that is happening for you right now. :)