From meme to youyou

Thanks, Lass.

1. Who was your first prom date?

I like where you’re going with that. But I didn’t go to prom. I think we called it after-grad, and I would have taken my then-boyfriend Tim, who I fell out with almost immediately, for punching him jokingly (though not) in the stomach before we got onto the secret bus that took us to the secret bar that was secretly rented out for us to secretly die of boredom inside of. All night long, baby.

2. Do you still talk to your first love?

No.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?

White Rum, and I only drank it to tell a boy what I really thought of him (turns out it’s still considered mean if you say it when you’re really drunk).

4. What was your first job?

A kiosk that sold grilled Japanese food, in a food court, in a mall. I sliced frozen chicken breasts all morning and rang up orders during the lunch rush. Sometimes I stirred the chicken on the grill.

5. What was your first car?

Technically, it was my sister’s hand-me-down Cougar, but I think she was just using me for my parking space, as I didn’t have a license and had no intention of ever driving it. She sold it on me a year later.

6. Who was the first person to text you today?

I like where you’re going with this too. It was my husband. In fact, he was the only person to text me today.

7. Who is the first person you thought of this morning?

Other than my growing awareness of self? Bruce.

8. Who was your first grade teacher?

Madame Chauldice, I think. I don’t remember a thing about her though.

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?

My dad flew us to Swift Current, though we didn’t land - we just circled the grain elevator and flew back again.

10. Who was your first best friend, and are you still friends with him/her?

That would be Chad, and no, we haven’t been friends since we were 11, when the sad truth about our differing genders occurred to one or both of us.

11. What was your first sport played?

I’m still waiting to do that.

12. Where was your first sleepover?

My childhood was one long sleepover. My sister’s maybe?

13. Who was the first person you talked to today?

Bruce.

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time?

My sister’s. Is this an invitation to reminisce or something? Um, okay. I wore a horrible itchy white dress and was pursued by an overly friendly stranger whose attention scared me so badly that I ended up hiding in the toilet for most of the reception.

15. What was the first thing you did this morning?

Asked Bruce what time it was because it looked much lighter than seven.

16. What was the first concert you ever went to?

It was something at the Black Market, which was basically a stage in a basement beneath a Greek restaurant downtown. It had a makeshift bar but you needed a bracelet to drink. I think it was Funk ‘n Stein, actually.

17. What was your first tattoo or piercing?

I like where you’re going with this. It was MY EARS. The end.

18. What was the first foreign country you went to?

The United States of McDonalds. I guess that’s not strictly foreign since we shared a continent, regardless. Otherwise, it was Holland.

19. What was your first run-in with the law?

I was in a car with my friend and two boys we knew, driving aimlessly when suddenly the police pulled us over. We thought it was because we were high, but actually, there’d been a robbery in the neighborhood and the suspects fit our description (four kids in a white vehicle). The story grows less interesting each time I tell it though, so I’ll skip the details

20. When was your first detention?

I brought a flare gun to school, which accidentally went off in my locker and caused like this minor…oh wait, no. That was The Breakfast Club.

21. What was the first state you lived in?

I like where you’re going with this. But fuck off.

22. Who was the first person to break your heart?

James. He left me for his best friend, who was boring to look at, but romantically tragic because she had an abusive boyfriend and yet never stopped smiling.

23. Who was your first roommate?

My then-boyfriend Aidan and my friend Shauna.

24. Where did you go on your first limo ride?

I’ve never been in a limo, strangely. I had the opportunity to ride in one when I was an in-patient but I was out on a day pass that afternoon. That is what they do with the mentally ill in Canada – they pile them into a limo and send them to a neighboring town for ice cream.